Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Scary Bubble

I learned something a little strange about my daughter last night, the girl is afraid of bubble gum. It's strange, I know, but this is the girl that chews on anything metal, so I shouldn't be too surprised. I bought some bubble gum for Connor since he is five now and has never had any before and I thought he was ready to handle the responsibility of gum chewing. I am all about not making my life harder and until I was sure I wouldn't have to be cleaning gum out of my carpet or out of his sisters hair I refrained. I knew the swallowing of the gum would not be an issue since he is terrified of swallowing objects that don't belong in the stomach.

Anyway, I gave Connor his gum and had a piece myself since it has been forever since I have enjoyed actual bubble gum. I have decided it tastes much better when you are kid, the flavor loses something when you become an adult. I then proceeded to wow my children with my awesome bubble blowing skills (hey, I have to have some kind of skill). When Liv looked at the bubble coming out of my mouth she screamed in horror and ran back to her room crying. And me being the compassionate mother that I am laughed so hard I was crying. She would come back down the hallway and I would blow another bubble and she we scream and yell, "I need go sit on my bed!"

The Bubblegumphobic

 I am such a horrible mother, it was the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. This went on for a couple minutes until I got in trouble from Scott for terrorizing our daughter. Hours later I was still laughing about it. I had to text my mom and let her know Liv's new fear. She was laughing too and was sorry she missed it. Like mother like daughter I guess. I gave Connor a piece this morning and she kept staring at me to make sure I didn't have any. She was ready to bolt down the hall to her room for safety, but I figure I have traumatized her enough....for now.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

What month is this?

Has it really been November since I last blogged? What have I been doing this whole time? Well, I am sure you don't want to hear everything that has happened in the last couple months so here are a few highlights.

Connor lost another tooth; or rather I pulled Connor's tooth out. Don't worry it was already loose. The tooth was barely hanging in there and I told him I could just pull it out but he didn't want me to. So I did what any good mother does to get her way, I messed with his mind. I told him that I sure hope he didn't swallow his tooth in his sleep, knowing how freaked out about that he was. He quickly decided it was better for mommy to take care of it right away. I barely had to push on it and it came right out. Then he started bleeding and freaking out about the blood because he knows if we lose too much blood then we die. Information I probably should have withheld from him until he was a little older. So after I convinced him it was just a little blood and he wasn't going to die he was calm about the whole thing. The best part about the whole thing is that while all of this was going on Connor was holding his toothbrush in his hand, and while he was distracted Olivia took the opportunity to eat the toothpaste off her brother's toothbrush. She is definitely one of those "I will eat that if you don't want it" kids.

Beside the tooth, the other exciting that that happened was...we got a dog. I know, I know. What was I thinking? We got a chihuahua named Poppy, and if you have ever watched Seinfeld and know who Poppy is then you know I should of thought twice about the dog. I asked Scott if we could get the dog since he was already potty trained and crate trained. For some reason he said yes, and my life was forever changed. Okay, maybe not forever, but for the next two weeks. It only felt like forever.

I liked Poppy for the first few hours we had him. I decided I would forgive him for pooping on the carpet within the first few minutes of being in our house. It was later that evening that my feelings for Poppy started to change. While we were sitting on the couch the dog stood up, wrapped his arms around me and before I realized what he was going to do, started humping my arm. I could have died right there. I still feel violated. Scott thought the whole thing was hilarious, but I was disgusted.

Still I decided to give Poppy another chance. I started learning his likes and dislikes, for example; he didn't like to go outside to go potty he would much rather do it in my nice warm house. I would open the door and tell him to go outside and he would start shivering and staring at me with those bulgy eyes, looking all pathetic. I would eventually have to pick him up and put him outside and then he would trick me and make me think he did his business, and then when I let him back in he would use my carpet as his bathroom. The pitiful looks don't work on me when you have just pooped on my carpet, or peed on my sheets, or threw up on my comforter.

But still I decided to keep working with him. I even got a bunch of books from the library on dog training. I read one book that talked about how dogs all have the wolf instinct in them. I am horribly afraid of wolves and I definitely didn't need to read that. He may be pocket sized but he is still wolf inside. I caught him staring at me a few times and licking his chops. I can't live with the fear of being attacked by a 3 pound wolf! Piranhas are small and look at the damage they can do!

By the end of two weeks I was so ready to say goodbye to Poppy, but my husband wanted to stick it out. Unfortunately ( or fortunately) I turned out to be allergic to the tiny wolf and we had to give him back to his original owners. Connor was a little sad but I told him we could get a fish instead. He was really excited about that and proceeded to list off the kinds of fish he wanted: Sword fish, sting ray, and barracuda. He is fascinated with dangerous marine life. I think we settled on a fighting fish.

I am so happy to say that life is back to normal in my house and it's safe to say we won't be getting a dog ever again.